Saturday, February 4, 2017

7 years after the first surgery....

This is what I wrote last year on this day. It is now 7 years.
February 4th

7 years ago today at 7:30am, I handed Emmie (my 12 month old baby) to a nurse, watched them walk away, and balled my eyes out! That was by far one of the hardest and most challenging days of my life. I had no idea that we were stepping into a new world, one that comes with lots of ups and downs, medications, dr appointments, blood pressure checks, blood drawls and procedures. I thought Emmie was having a one-time "fix", and within a few weeks, everything would be back to "normal". (What is normal anyway??)
2-4-10, was just the beginning of a lifetime journey for Emmie and our family. As I look at my posts from that day, it was clear that things didn't go as planned from the beginning. Things didn't go as I had planned, or the doctors had planned, but they did go as God had planned. I have never felt more comforted, more held or more peace from God than I did on that day and the days to come. That doesn't mean I'm ok with what has happened and continues to happen to my baby girl, but I'm at peace with it. I hate the struggles in her life. I hate the medication that she takes, I hate the continual dr appointments and surgeries, but I don't hate God. He made her this way for a reason, and I trust in that. He loves her more than I do, and I trust in that.
2-4-10 was also the day Elise was born. On the other side of the world, in a remote area of China, called Poyang, Elise was born. While I was stressed out, a crying emotional mess, God was blessing me in ways I didn't know.
I serve an awesome God! And I trust in his word.

Just when I think I'm beginning to get a handle on things, we get another curve ball. Even looking at what I wrote last year, I realize how much has changed. Last year, we didn't know Emmie was going at have a 10 hour surgery in Michigan. We didn't know she was going to be diagnosed with cancer. We didn't know just how vast her renal arteries, aorta and kidney deformities were. It still makes my head spin when I really think about everything that has happened in the last year. 

But one thing remains the same. I still believe and trust in God. We trust Emmie in his care. I truly believe he lead us to those doctors in Michigan, and they quite possibly saved her life, or at the very least altered the path of her future. She has a bright future ahead. Does she require more surgeries? Yes, at least 1 and maybe 2 for her back. She will also possibly have her aortic stent adjusted, and possibly a new one inserted when she has reached her adult height. She still requires lots of doctor visits and lots of monitoring, but she only requires ONE medication!!! God has brought her and us again through some very dark and scary times. And I felt the same way during this surgery and recovery as I did 7 years ago. I have never felt more comforted, held and at peace than I did during those 2 weeks. I'm still not ok with it. I still do not like it, but I am at peace with it, and I do not hate God for making her this way. Time will tell, but I know God is molding her into something great, and all of this medical stuff has something to do with it. 

Every time I look at the miracles of Emmie and Elise's lives, I am reminded of God's hand in my life. He blessed us with this beautiful baby girl on the other side of the world, and it was the very day we were beginning this life long journey with my other beautiful baby girl. Only God can orchestrate such an amazing masterpiece. You can't make this stuff up ,and you certainly can't plan it yourself!

My updates from February 4th 2010....

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